Newsletter for February 2006

EUGENE / SPRINGFIELD
Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgenders
PO Box 11137, Eugene, OR 97440
541-302-4422
http://www.pflag-es.org

PFLAG Meets every third Monday of the month, 6:45 pm 1st Congregational Church.

2005-2006 Board of Directors: Elise Self, chair; Jerry Prud'homme, co-chair; Risa Stephanie Bear, webmistress and transgender coordinator, Charlotte Behm, secretary, Ann Brown, membership, Rose Mary Gray; Librarian/Schools; Joy Hainsworth, hospitality; Anita Stelling, treasurer, Laurel Linklater, John Corey, Barbara von Reyn.

Governor Kulongoski Signs Executive Order No. 06-03

Governor Kulongoski signed an Executive Order to create a statewide taskforce to examine discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in Oregon.

"Pursuant to my authority as Governor of the State of Oregon, I find that: Equal protection under the law is the cornerstone of a just and democratic society. In order for Oregon to compete and succeed in the global economy, each Oregonian must be provided with the opportunity to reach his or her full potential and to contribute to the general welfare as an equal member of society. Discrimination of any type prevents Oregonians from enjoying the full pursuit of happiness to which all are entitled and prevents the State of Oregon from being the best it can be and from competing effectively in the world. Anti-discrimination legislation that protects against discrimination based on sexual orientation in employment, housing and/or public accommodation has been adopted in at least seventeen states of the United States of America and in numerous countries around the world. The citizens of Oregon deserve to have their government examine this issue carefully and to consider the need for legislation in Oregon to assure equal protection and opportunities for all. If statutory changes are warranted, then such changes must be brought before the next Legislative Assembly and given full consideration."

The taskforce he charged with recommending changes to Oregon's laws to ensure that ail Oregonians are adequately protected from discrimination in employment, housing, public accommodations and other opportunities, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. "We know that when reasonable people look at the facts about discrimination against LGBT people and the positive impact of anti-discrimination legislation in other states they will agree that protecting all Oregonians is the right thing to do," said Basic Rights Oregon Executive Director Roey Thorpe.

The taskforce of between 8-12 members, chaired by Portland businessperson Paul Kelly, will make a recommendation on the proposal to ensure that all of state government affords the same rights and privileges to all Oregonians to the greatest extent permitted under federal law and the Oregon Constitution.

Upcoming Events:

More events & details: Q Community Calendar: http://frww.qcenter.org

February 20 is our 3rd Monday Meeting

The focus of this month's meeting is general equity for all of us. We will watch the film "Growing Up Gay and Lesbian." Brian McNaught, a public educator on homosexuality certified by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, discusses the challenges of growing up gay in a heterosexual world. He includes information on such issues as self-acceptance, coming out to significant people in a person's life, and suggestions for equality.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
 -- Anne Frank.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
 -- Dr. Seuss

Prejudices, lack of information, phobias and fears continue in our community. The mission of PFLAG is to promote the health and well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered persons, their families and friends through:
PFLAG has several booklets addressing various questions or concerns. Books are also available in our library should you wish to borrow them. Several suggested books are:
Six blind men -were given the task of describing an elephant. The first fellow touched its broad and sturdy side and declared that an elephant was like a wall. The second felt the tusk and described the animal as a spear; another felt the trunk and said it was like a snake, and another felt its knee and compared it to a tree. The fifth blind man felt its ear and insisted that the elephant -was like a fan, and the sixth, having felt its tail, declared that, to the contrary, an elephant was like a rope.
 -- Anon

Raising My Lesbian Daughter

When my daughter was fourteen she "came out" as a lesbian. We were honored she felt safe enough to share this personal experience with her parents. What had we done right to raise a child who, at this young age, was comfortable sharing such information with her parents?

In elementary school, she knew she was different. This phrase, "knew she was different" jumps out at me. As parents are we trying to raise children who are like everyone else? I often feel blindsided by a pop culture generation, which states anything outside the established norm is weird or deviant. Our fondest wish is to have our daughter grow up to be happy with who she is.

How does one begin to raise a child who can become, as Abraham Maslow would state, a complete and self-actualized adult? From the moment our female child was born, I didn't want her to be gender stereotyped. As a baby I swaddled her in anything but pink. Once she was dressed in blue and several people leaned into the carriage and cooed, "What a cute-baby boy." I patiently corrected them, inside seething. Why do we pigeonhole people by the color they wear? I could have taped a ribbon on her baby bald head, but please, can't we wait until later to steer them into girl wear?

Before my daughter could talk, she wore overalls and one-piece baby suits in a multitude of colors. So;,.- through whatever messages she received from the outside world, as a toddler she wanted to wear nothing but dresses. With these dresses she wore tights or leggings. Her feminine side in full bloom, she was the traditional fairy princess and fully accessorized sorceress for many a Halloween. One day in early elementary school. I begged and pleaded with her to wear jeans to school. This girl loved to run around, and I figured jeans were more comfortable. Finally, wearing jeans, her eyes widened as she realized mother was right.

Perhaps my teenager's feeling of difference also comes from her attitude towards dress. I used to be slightly disturbed by her sudden switch in middle school to wearing all black. I longed for a touch of red or blue to appear. This blending of color with her black wardrobe came in high school. Now my daughter tells me she was and is making a statement with her St. Vincent's acquired dress against costly girl designer fashion. She has never wanted to flaunt her sexuality at 14 or 15 and I am proud of her for trying to be her self. Being her self comes with a price. She discovered quite early in middle school that many girls are negatively aggressive in their relationships with other girls. If your style of clothing made you odd, you were deemed a nerd or lesbian or gossiped about in the hallways. For the middle teen years, my daughter turned to having mostly boys as friends. Currently, in high school, she has found a great mature and diverse group to be with.

In her preschool and elementary years, my daughter had both dolls and cars. She built towers with Legos and blocks. She climbed trees and played dress up with silk scarves and strands of beaded necklaces. She took ballet classes and piano for years, but also enjoyed roaring up to and kicking the soccer ball. As she has grown up, she has become involved with volleyball, music, art, drama and writing. She missed "Sesame Street" entirely. She was busy learning how to entertain herself as well as participating in community events.

Clothes, toys and extra curricular activities are only one part of raising a daughter. Attitude and openness and unconditional love are essential. When my daughter first became aware of love and relationships, but wasn't ready for the big sex talk, one morning as we snuggled in bed she asked what love was. "Love is finding a person, whether a man or a woman, who you are completely comfortable with, who you can be yourself with." How many people in this world are lucky enough to find such a partner? And whether gay or straight, this drive and need for connect is the same.

We occasionally watch television and we try to find positive shows for teenage girls like the recently canceled "Joan of Arcadia." In "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," there was the rare prime time depiction of a young and powerful lesbian relationship. My daughter once pointed out to me that most teen movies and many teen novels do not model positive and lasting friendships between girls and boys or girls and girls. We've noticed girls are coached to follow fads, search for romance and encouraged to dress provocatively. The Cinderella story of romance is ever prevalent: A less attractive girl becomes beautiful and gets the boy. And let's not forget the wrath of the stepsisters. For lesbian girls there seem to be even fewer strong relationship ideals put forth in movies and literature.

Being computer savvy, my daughter has found several positive young adult fiction books for gay and open-minded youth. Whether gay or straight, check out Hard Love by Ellen Wittlinger for an incredible depiction of a friendship between a boy and a lesbian girl, Keeping You a Secret by Julie Anne Peters, which gives a compelling portrait of teen lesbian high school love, and Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan about a high school gay relationship.

Movies and television, to its credit, have begun to show films and have series with strong and positive girl/women characters such as "Bee Season," "North Country," "Pieces of April," "Bend It Like Beckham," "Whale Rider," and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." All girls, whether gay or straight, need to have confident women role models to emulate and give them the feeling of being able to succeed in reaching their personal potential.

So are we raising our daughters to become sexual billboards for our society? Are we preparing them to become part of a relationship to the exclusion of any self-fulfillment? Or are we encouraging our daughters to become independent, strong, creative and fulfilled human beings? I do not think it matters whether our daughters are gay or straight, the goals of self-actualization and self-empowerment are the same.

-- Victoria Koch


PFLAG Eugene/Springfield is part of Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbian & Gays (PFLAG), a national non-profit organization with over 200.000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the U.S. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG national office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 14 Regional Directors.

PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity

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PFLAG Eugene/Springfield
PO Box 11137 Eugene, OR 97440

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This newsletter edited by our wonderful Rose Mary Gray, 2/14/06